Monday, May 23, 2016

Titanic Situation

So for this Summer I'm gonna be alone here in Columbus. The girls from my batch all went back to Malaysia. They go back every year, I don't know why I'm surprised this time. Oh, maybe because last year I went to Europe so I didn't feel this lonely. Being alone made me thinking really hard about life. Like I'm having a deeper conversation or something with myself. None of my girlfriends here went back, but yknow they have their own friends and are having fun right now. I don't want to be a party pooper and be like "Hey Im here in Columbus, do you still remember be ? Just so you know I'm alive, thanks for asking. Bye" Sounds so bitter right ? Hahaha danggg you gurl so emotional lately. This morning I watch Korean variety show, Infinity Challenge and I bawled so hard listening to their sad stories. It's the episode of 'Wedding Singers' if you guys wanna watch and I hope you guys cry so I'll feel better about myself that I'm not some sort of paranoid psycho bitch. #WhatLonelinessDidToMe #WhatIsMyName #WhatDayIsIt

Told you guys that I have some serious thoughts lately. One night it hits me that I don't really have a friend that I can call my own. All my friends are now currently befriend with someone else. I can't help but to feel sad because that's how life goes. We share friends. But it's gonna feel great if I have one friend that's mine. I never had a friendship that lasts 10 years++ because I moved alot in Malaysia. I had three different primary schools and three different high schools. So that explains why I don't have that many friends. When I went to the new school, everybody already have their own clique and gang. Same goes here in Columbus.

Let say if all my friends and I were having vacation and we boarded Titanic. And we all know titanic sucks it sank. The question is: who gonna save me ?!?!?! (Imagine the Jack and Rose situation) When I went through my bestfriend list, I notice that this person gonna save this, this person gonna save that, and even there are some people who's gonna be saving the same girl ! Damn gurllll you're so lucky ! Maybe that sounds jealous, but frankly I'm not. I just wish I have that one person who's gonna be worrying about me first whenever bad things happen. Like right now, no one cares that I'm stuck here in Columbus. They don't even texted me. Maybe I should be the understanding one, that they're busy. Okayyyyy. But still, one text won't hurt.

Or maybe I should have learned how to swim...

Okay back to my homework. Gosh Ilifilza you still have time for this, huh ?

Sorry emo, its just.... it feels good being wanted. That's all


  1. Hi ili, just so you know ive been reading your blog since forever. cewah. em anyway, aku pun dari sekolah rendah asyik berpindah randah. Sekolah menengah je stay sampai form 5. Jadi kawan yang aku betul2 rapat cuma kawan university and family.even sekolah pun tak sebab dah jarang jumpa. Memang kadang2 seronok bila ada kawan yang kita rapat at least sorang pun but people come and people go. That's life. Bak kata Adi Putra, The best will stay. Tibahh. Kalau takde yang stay lagi maknanya diaorg bukan kawan yang betul2 you can count on.
    I won’t try to say that I understand what you’re going through because, honestly, you’re the only one who knows exactly how you’re feeling. But I can try to understand you, in my own way. Aku harap apa yang kau rasa sekarang adalah perasaan sementara disebabkan kawan2 kau balik Malaysia. Kalau kau nak aku hantar rendang ke serunding ke supaya kau tak sedih camni, aku boleh je. :)
    And, if you need someone to talk to whatsapp me 014-7360252. Aku okay je kalau kau nak meroyan doploh pat jam.haha. Walaupun aku tak rapat sangat dengan kau, dan aku rasa kita start borak dulu pun sebab kita dormmmate. eh ke tak? ke kau selalu dtg dorm aku sebab ada nani? ha yang pasti aku ingat lagi buku Rnysa yang kau kasi aku pinjam dulu. thanks :') Few people are able to have an experience like this and I know that you're taking in every moment of every day with a smile on your face, staying humble and thankful that you’ve been put on this path...sebab tak semua orang merasa pengalaman yang sama. Lastly, rajin2 lah update blog. Aku nak tahu apa kau buat dekat sana selain makan maggie asam pedas demi mengubat rindu nak balik Malaysia. haha

    p/s: Bukan dekat sana selalu orang buat gig ke? pergilah bagi wakil aku. haha

    Have a nice day, ili xoxo!

    1. Wehhhhh terharuuuuu, thanks be'e. It's just semua orang busy, and aku faham je diorang ada life masing2. But it sucks takde orang nak berbual. Pastu tetiba emo, ugh hormonezzzzzz.

      And aku pun selalu je baca post kau kat tumblr etc. I know you are a strong person inside out. Sorry I didn't have anything helpful/encouraging to say masa kau buat surgery. But I'm glad you are healthy now !!!! Insyaallah aku update frequently after this. Memang ada gig pun but awkward jugak nak cucuk langit sorang sorang hikssss

      p/s: Serious question kau reti berenang ke tak ? Hahaha

    2. I dont mind ili. :)))
      Aku reti berenang kalau ada pelampung. Menjawab tak soalan kau? haha

    3. Its okay, we can use pelampung together (provided the pelampung is big enough lah) hahaha


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